Chocolates and sticky cakes usually hold little temptation for me. But once one is sampled, although the brain says ‘stop’ my mouth takes no heed. Unfortunately, I must confess I’ve got pitiful willpower. On a recent shopping trip I saw a bag of chocolate caramels on sale for five dollars instead of the usual ten.Continue reading “Nell Holland: The Bargain”
Category Archives: Satire
Lawrie Stanford: Saintly Deeds
It was a long time ago, back in university days. There were long hours in the Barr Smith Library and frequent attempts to break the drudgery of study. It was time for another coffee. I left the library passing Mary, my steady friend who had a more disciplined approach to study. I knew she wouldn’tContinue reading “Lawrie Stanford: Saintly Deeds”
Robert Schmidt: The Friendly Reminder
Normally I pay my bills on the day I receive an account. I have a perfect credit rating. My wife and I have a Home Care package from the government, which pays for certain work in our house. Mind you, not $10,000 for a fancy bed for my wife that we were talked into buyingContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: The Friendly Reminder”
Robert Schmidt: Remember Me
I was sharing a pot of tea with my wife Jane at the Utzi Cafe in the Burnside Village ̶ next thing a former friend, well I think I’ll call him that, from my evenings at the Wildwood Gallery in Grenfell Street, comes up to the table. Wildwood Gallery had art on display but wasContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: Remember Me”
Anne McKenzie: On The Bus
‘The Department is a bus about to set out on a long journey, and I’m driving’, says our new Chief Executive Officer. We’re at mandatory leadership training for Supervisors and Managers—for middle management. She’s been with us for about two weeks and this is the first time we’ve met her. ‘Let me put this simply’,Continue reading “Anne McKenzie: On The Bus”
Robert Schmidt: Last Cab Off the Rank
I saw my urologist, Dr Wells, late on the day of my horrible flow test. ’You still have 800mls in your bladder,’ he informs me. ‘If I were you, I’d be rolling around on the floor.’ Charming, I think. Surgery was set for the 12th September. Admission at 5.00pm? Everyone says to me the surgeryContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: Last Cab Off the Rank”
Robert Schmidt: The COVID-19 Adventure – Part 2
On Monday evening arrive home from the Royal Adelaide Hospital by taxi with our masks on. Take mine off in a hurry. ‘Going to be a long seventy-two hours Jane,’ I sigh. Suspend walking with my friends and social activities. No one can actually come inside our home. Self isolation you know. Fortunately we haveContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: The COVID-19 Adventure – Part 2”
Robert Schmidt: The COVID-19 Adventure – Part 1
My wife Jane has been feeling unwell for a few weeks. Her symptoms became flu-like in recent days. We both have had our vaccinations. Her doctor yesterday suggested she have a COVID-19 test. ‘I’ll get the results almost instantly,’ she says to me. We decide to get a taxi to the Royal Adelaide Hospital straightaway.Continue reading “Robert Schmidt: The COVID-19 Adventure – Part 1”
Robert Schmidt: Your Call Is Important To Us
Recently I was required to have a blood test. I have several questions to ask over the phone before having it. There is a 1300 number you can ring. I dial the number. It rings a while, and then a recorded message cuts in, ‘Your call is important to us. We will be with youContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: Your Call Is Important To Us”
Robert Schmidt: The Flow Test
Two weeks ago I had a flow study and a bladder scan. The tests identify how well you empty your bladder. A few weeks earlier a CT scan of my bladder and only kidney, had identified a problem down below. On the day of the flow I drink a litre of water in the hourContinue reading “Robert Schmidt: The Flow Test”
Lawrie Stanford: It’s the Spoof!
To the Editor, Guns USA Magazine; from Chuck (‘Spoof’) Gunn-Smith Jnr I am a proud Amerigun, and carry firearms just for fun. To shoot them little critters and keep them on the run. I wanna be like my ol’ Pa, so he’s proud of his first son. He’s a good up-standing man, a gun-totin’Continue reading “Lawrie Stanford: It’s the Spoof!”
Lawrie Stanford: Timeless Tales Retold in Verse – On the Farm
Dad took us up to Angie’s farm to visit his older sister. He said we’d likely stay four weeks, it’d been a while and he missed her. We were greeted there with bad news, ‘Feathers’ the fowl had just expired. No more cluck-cluck or peck-peck’n, she was old and had grown so tired. Continue reading “Lawrie Stanford: Timeless Tales Retold in Verse – On the Farm”
David Hope: Clichés
We are counselled to avoid the use of clichés in our writing, mainly because clichés are overused pieces of language that have lost any freshness of meaning, sometimes to the point of futility; they detract rather than add to the written word. That injunction led me to muse on why we use clichés in ourContinue reading “David Hope: Clichés”
Lawrie Stanford: I’m a Corona-Conspiracy Theorist
Sitting at my desk this afternoon it became clear where the coronavirus came from. As my vacant gaze drifted across the desk, the design on a box of tissues forced itself into my consciousness. The origin of the coronavirus was revealed! It was in fact trumpeted by the perpetrators—Kimberly Clark the producers of Kleenex tissues! Continue reading “Lawrie Stanford: I’m a Corona-Conspiracy Theorist”
Burnside Writers Group 