Chocolates and sticky cakes usually hold little temptation for me. But once one is sampled, although the brain says ‘stop’ my mouth takes no heed. Unfortunately, I must confess I’ve got pitiful willpower.
On a recent shopping trip I saw a bag of chocolate caramels on sale for five dollars instead of the usual ten. Well, I love a bargain, but did I need those caramels? Of course not. Would I buy them? You betcha!
That evening I settled down in front of the television and popped a caramel into my mouth. When The Antiques Roadshow expert told a stunned woman that the hideous jug she disliked intensely was worth a small fortune, I bit into the chocolate, feeling as shocked as the television participant. I chewed on wistfully imagining what I could do with all the money I’d heard mentioned, and gradually became aware that the chocolate seemed unusually crunchy. A terrible thought occurred to me. Was I really crunching chocolate?
I left the The Antiques Roadshow experts with the astonished, but joyful participant, and made a hasty trip to the bathroom mirror where the worst was confirmed. The toffee had extricated a large filling and fractured part of a tooth. Overnight, the jagged tooth cut into my tongue causing extensive ulceration. Then, inflammation from the ulcers tracked to my throat producing enlarged lymph glands and by morning, I could hardly speak or swallow.
I’m sure my husband was enjoying the silence, so ignoring his exaggerated, faux-sympathy I threw myself onto the mercy of my most un-favourite profession.
The dentist saw me within hours and was able to drill – hideous word – the serrations down to a smooth level and asked me to wait for a two-hour appointment to be arranged. Apparently, he’ll attach a ‘crown’, which I’ve been told will cost me almost two thousand dollars. (For that price I believe I should be given something akin to what Queen Elizabeth wears on her head.)
Now, any visitor to my house will be offered one, or more, or even all, of the most expensive bargain buy ever.
Please, do me a favour and take the lot!
Burnside Writers Group 