Adjusting to your partner’s children can be challenging. Is it easier to bond when they are young—say, three to ten—or when they are adolescents? Adults? What works for some, may not work for others.
I have found young children trusting, more receptive. When I met my first partner’s daughter, she was almost four. She’d spend school holidays with us. She was a garrulous child with an impressive vocabulary. After bouncing down the passage with her ten-year old brother in tow, she stopped when she saw me, and simply stared. I greeted them both. Silence ensued.
As the weeks followed, they became somewhat accustomed to me being around. Everyone’s enjoyment of food meant much meal interaction. I was frequently pulled up. ‘Mum doesn’t peel a kiwi; it’s cut in half!’ or: ‘Mum puts out the breakfast bowls the night before … why don’t you?’
When their father was at work, I enlisted the help of neighbours who had children. The young people filled the days with carefree and raucous abandon.
That first holiday I stumbled on two ideas that proved to be gems: one for each child. The girl had tearfully shared: ‘When I’m away from Mum, I miss Mum! When I’m away from Dad, I miss Dad!’
‘Why don’t we keep a diary for you to take back with you? That way your Mum can read about everything that happens.’
The idea was embraced with gusto. Each night this trusting child chattered away while I scribbled. A tome was hauled back interstate. It proved a meaningful link for me with their mother too.
For the ten-year old—a budding drummer—the gem was music. I shared Creedence, Dire Straits, Van Morrison and the Stones; he educated me about Red Hot Chili Peppers, Silverchair, Pearl Jam and Nirvana.
Thirty years on, our bond still exists.
Burnside Writers Group 