The officer was polite but firm while her male companion had a look that was more firm than polite. The female officer was the first to speak. ‘Sir, you’ve heard of stranger-danger, haven’t you?’
Earlier, I arrived home late from work, a little before 7pm. As I walked through the front door, I could hear the kids upstairs watching TV. I walked pass them into the kitchen where Mary was preparing the evening meal and said, ‘Good evening dear! What time did you get home—you seem to be running late?’
‘Yeah well, there was a special meeting called after school. I had to attend as a Team Leader.’
‘Oh?’ I replied.
‘Annnnd,’ she continued, ‘I had to pick the kids up from Michael and Robyn’s.’
‘Why? That’s way over in Fisher and the kids know the drill about getting home and doing their homework.’
‘Well you need to know that the kids were accosted tonight after school’.
‘Whaaa …’ was all I could raise.
‘They told me, or at least they told Robyn, that they were at home when a raving, half-naked, homeless lunatic, carrying an axe, knocked on the front door and tried to kill them!’
‘Go on,’ I said.
‘They said he garbled like a monster but thought he may have asked them if their father was home. They figured he wanted to know if they were by themselves.’
‘OK,’ I said, ‘I think I understand what happened here…’
‘Well you can explain it to the kids because they didn’t understand it at all. Melissa slammed the door in his face, ran screaming down the passage, grabbed Tim and the two of them bolted out the back door, down the side driveway, past this maniac, and onto the front road!’
‘So, they were OK! I….’
‘You bastard! Didn’t you hear me, someone tried to kill the kids with an axe!’
‘No, no, no—you didn’t hear me out. The other day, I noticed a tree lopper over the road at the Robinson’s. He was thinning out that old redgum of theirs. He was halfway up the tree and it wasn’t easy to talk to him—not just because he was up the tree but also because he spoke with an Eastern European accent. But, I managed to ask him if he would give me a quote to thin our trees. He said he would drop over in the next few days to talk to me about it. So you see—he wasn’t raving or demonic, he just spoke with a thick accent; he wasn’t a homeless lunatic, just unshaven; and he wasn’t a murderer, he was just carrying a tool of his trade. I presume he wasn’t wearing a shirt because he wasn’t wearing one the other day.’
Only partly satisfied, Mary said, ‘So you’re saying this was a misunderstanding, but I can tell you, it wasn’t just the kids’ misunderstanding—the whole bloody neighbourhood didn’t understand. Robyn didn’t understand, she rang the cops. They were greatly concerned in their misunderstanding and rang me. And, I didn’t understand, and got dragged out of a meeting—which didn’t understand why I ran out whimpering! So, there’s just a few who didn’t understand!’
‘Oh gawd,’ I murmured.
‘But don’t you worry your little head about it buddy. When I finally got home with the kids, and convinced them it was safe to come inside, Mrs Robinson came over greatly concerned, to ask if the kids were OK. She said her tree-lopper told her he’d knocked on our door to ask if you were there. The next thing he knew, two kids were screaming down the driveway, onto the road and had jumped onto a passing tractor coming down the street from the bushland at the end. After listening to a hysterical explanation from the kids and lots of furtive glancing at the poor tree-lopper stranded on our porch, the tractor driver took the kids to Michael and Robyn’s. So, you can add three more people to the list of people who didn’t understand!’
‘And,’ she continued, ‘I’ve spent all my time until now, explaining to everyone—who didn’t understand—exactly what had happened.’
‘Ah well, all’s well that ends well,’ I said as the front doorbell rang. ‘Don’t worry darling,’ I added, ‘I’ll get the door.’
Leaving a steely stare burning into the back of my head, I opened the door to find a cop and a community welfare officer standing there.
Burnside Writers Group 